Hey Models I have a question.Most of
you are in your mid twenties,are pushing 30 or are like me and ARE 30.Now I want to know how how much many of these adorers,stalkers and fans that we all talk to and try and help and just give general attention to have put into OUR BANK ACCOUNT?How much have they given us all that we will have to fall back on when modeling is no longer a option?This is why most of this is fairy glamour or as I call it bullshit we just try our best to exploit.And if ANY of you give me shit for daring to say this I will personally drive to where you are and beat your lunch out you.I have art as my job first and foremost so I don’t even have to think about something to “fall back on” as modeling is just something I do for added publicity for my art.And actually thankful in the aspect that I’m not chosen as a model because I’m pretty or youthful looking.I have more of the sort of Diamanda Galas thing going on where people just use me as a model because I’m a weirdo.BUT I’m damn fucking tired of there being no 50/50 as a model or as somebody that is treated like a free freak show to people.Especially if you don’t do nudity,which doesn’t even pay enough to make anything worthwhile.100.00 for say 200 photos and you have to split the 100.00 with the photographer isn’t shit.And if you aren’t willing to lay and spread you get even less and I’m sorry but I think it’s bullshit.
Dear fellows,if you are being friendly to be thinking you will eventually get in my panties.There is the exit door get the fuck out.I don’t believe in casual sex so you are wasting your time.Look do I REALLY look like the kind of girl that is a easy lay?Have I given you any hint of that with my sour and guarded disposition?If you like me you can take the time and court me properly,if you want to be my buddy you will be just THAT a friend and might as well get the thought of ever so much as seeing my drawers out of your mind.We clear?
Would y’all like to know how my week went?
Let me give you some background first.My mom borrowed 4000.00 from my grandma.My grandma wanted to give it to her but unlike the rest of the family we don’t like to suck people dry.So my mom insisted that my grandma go with her to the bank to make a note saying my mom would pay it back at like 300.00 at a time as we got on our feet.
Well I will tell you.My grandma fell down.I think she had a slight diabetic spell and she went to the hospital.Because of that we were forced into speaking to my aunt *on my dad’s side* who I will refer to as Little Fatty.By no means do my mother and I get along with Little Fatty.Little Fatty fucked my mom over during my mom’s divorce and has just been a general asshole to us for no reason.
Well Grandma Dorothy falls and we have to talk to Little Fatty to find out what room she is in ect.Well then grandma goes missing for like a day and we have no idea where she is.My mother calls Little Fatty because we were totally freaked out and didn’t know if they stuck her in a nursing home or what.Fatty tells mom Grandma Dorothy is in the rehab clinic.We go see her and she’s fine *Little Fatty told us Grandma was totally off her rocker ect,now Grandma WILL repeat herself allot but she’s going to be 80 and that is expected* but she still can drive and care for herself ect.The day we went to go see my grandma was the day before the funeral for Gavin and Ash and Fatty KNEW we were going to the funeral the next day and that we were HIGHLY upset by the deaths,not just deaths but deaths of TWO kids under 25!
Now Little Fatty is fond of money,when my grandpa on my dad’s side was murdered or more like slaughtered there are 4 kids.My dad,Ronald,Betty and little Fatty.Ronald was like me with my mom and was VERY close to my grandpa.Well when Grandpa got killed ALL his estate which was worth over a million bucks when to Little Fatty.The other kids each got 1000.00 which was more just a slap in the face.
So Wed we come in from out of town and come home to take a bath and get dressed for the wake of Gavin and Ash.Well we get a call from Little Fatty, mom answers it to find out when my grandma is coming out of rehab because we are scared they will just shove her in the nursing home.
Little Fatty starts SCREAMING at my mom that she is a mother fucker and nothing but a thief and that she took advantage of the INSANE because my grandma is CRAZY *which she is NOT!* and that she stole 4000.00 from my grandma.AND that she stole from her own *my mom’s mom* mother AND stole out of my grandpa’s *on my dad’s side* house.Which we didn’t even get along with my grandpa and wouldn’t go over to his house.We went once in his later years because he found a hurt owl and wanted us to come get it and help him find a place to take care of it.AND AND AND my grandpa’s house isn’t even standing anymore.Fatty sold that in a rat’s ass min when my grandpa died.My mom starts telling her off because she was just being crazy and Fatty starts going into a rant about how she has cameras EVERYWHERE.In my grandma’s house,they were in her dad’s house *which again I nor my mom has set foot in,in like 10 years or longer* and calling my mom a bitch ect ect.And THEN starts to scream about how she was going to go file charges on my mom THAT DAY and she would see to it my mom goes to JAIL.My mom said her 2 cents to her as best as she could and told her she was NOT a thief because she insisted my grandma make it a legal note at the bank to pay her back ect.Naturally this makes mom cry and get really upset.She was already crying all day over Ash and Gavin and then had that bullshit to deal with.And like I said Fatty KNEW we were about to go to a funeral.
Fatty works for the Sherriff’s office.Naturally being as she was calling and harassing my mom on work hours I suggest she call the Sherriff and talk about it.This is the same sheriff in the parish were we have 8 unsolved murders.Well the sheriff tells my mom there is nothing that can be done,because if my mom did wrong *like almost implying she DID* that she could expect to be put in jail.And if not Fatty would likely press charges.And that “you know how Fatty is,when she puts her mind to it you can almost bet you will go to jail” almost implying her behavior was cute.
Ok well that avenue was exhausted,I call my aunt’s number to have a little chat with her for cussing out and upsetting my mom on a day when we have a funeral.
Of course Fatty takes the phone off the hook.I call her up at work.I asked for her and they transferred me to her dept.Another lady answers the phone.I say “Yes mam’ can I please speak to Little Fatty,*little fatty must have motioned no” the lady says Little Fatty is on another line can she take a message?I say yes this is Shyla *my last name* could you please tell my aunt “Little Fatty” to meet me in my driveway I need to talk to her”.The lady said Oh OK like asking if everything is ok.I said “Oh everything is fine mam’ and it’s no hurry,but please tell tell her to come meet me in my front yard,it’s no hurry and make sure and tell her this is her niece calling.
I get dressed and wait in my front yard on the porch for little fatty and she never comes.
Well the next day I get up and SOMEBODY has taken bold cutters and cut into the pad lock on the building where I keep my doll molds.This did not sit well with me at all.I went in there and just wired the lock up and put some ritual items in there for protection.
Next day I’m in the store and my other aunt is in there chatting with us along with my little cousin the son of Little Fatty.She gets a call on the phone and I heard her saying “what?I’m not getting in the middle of this,I don’t know what in the world you are talking about?What?Voodoo what???.She gets annoyed and is raising her voice ect because now I realize she is drug into the crazy mess.
She gets off the phone to tell us that Little Fatty called her in hysterics because she said that building *the building and my house is on my grandpa’s property which was willed to Fatty but Fatty gave it to my father,because it’s a shitty horrible piece of property in the worst part of town and all the buildings are rotten,and because community property in the divorce*
Anyhoo Fatty says that is HER building,then says it’s still my father’s and I’m sure by now the Baby Jesus also owns it.And that she went to change the lock on there since supposedly my other aunt told her the lock was cut.And she opened the door and there was VOODOO STUFF IN THERE.And she is NOT TOUCHING that shit,and we better go pick it up because it’s HER building.WTF YEARS ago even before the property went to my dad she told me I could HAVE the building because it was old and had it and I could keep my molds in there.And even helped me put some of them in the window.Now she would do that to our fact but my mom heard her again making bitch comments about my mom when she thought my mom couldn’t hear it.
To add to Fatty’s charm her husband is a animal killer,they even let a rabbit starve to death in their back yard,and he had some quails he was canning the eggs from.Well he got board with the birds and let them go and shot them off one by one.They are such a charming couple.
After the OMG IT’S VOODOO call again I try and call her back to have words with her.The phone was off the hook AGAIN.
She is totally insane but being as she has pull with the sheriff’s office it’s scared my mom.I told mom not to worry that I will handle it in my own way OMG IT’S VOODOO!
And those of you who are also occultist make sure to raise mom and I in our rituals and to send our enemies even the little fat ones so below.We’d appreciate it.We are having a hard enough time with our friends passing,and seeing their family in such sorrow,we don’t need to be dealing with a insane person with pull in the sheriff’s office and my crazy dad who cranking them.
I refuse to let people’s shitty rude and idiotic behavior turn me into a heartless,unkind bastard.
This past month alone I have gotten into it with several different people who have nothing to do with one another because tried to be polite or nice.Or have had people be rude to me for no reason what so ever!
People like that are the ones that turn people into horrible cut throat,conniving,innocent people abusing bastards and I REFUSE to let people do that to ME!
I’m southern so I was raised to where you are kind to people unless they give you a reason to be,and in turn people if they have a OUNCE of behavior skills or what we call “proper raising” will do the same in return.But some have neither and they should be ashamed to behave like that in public and worse on public forums where God and country can see their shitty rude behavior.
I have some amazing,awesome friends or even just people I have never met in person in my life that I know through the internet,who have gone out of their way to help me or be kind to me or are just generally be awesome.And I will NOT have the shitty bad apples in the bunch ruin me from being nice to people and getting to meet or extend kindness to people like that.I will not let them ruin my desire to be kind to people like that.
But Lord knows I can see why some people become horrible human beings and are just outright assholes to their fellow man be in strangers or close friends.People like that really turn you off and make me want to be one of those elitist assholes on the internet that speaks to no one even if they speak to me first or are showing appreciation for what I do.
I’m also so annoyed with the idea that just because you are a Satanist you are supposed to treat everybody like shit,or lie,cheat and steal even from friends to get your way.Being a Satanist you are supposed to take pride in yourself and your behavior and if you behave in that shitty of a manner you have NOTHING to be proud of.If you are incapable of helping a friend or even wipe your own ass without conniving somebody into doing it for you,then you have NOTHING to be proud of.At that point you haven’t even earned the right to breath air.
I don’t appreciate uncalled for rude or shitty behavior and I will not tolerate it.If you do it I will call you out and publicly shame because you damn well deserve it.I beseech you all to the the same when somebody is behaving in a uncalled for rotten manner.Maybe if the “mark” them they will feel the sting of shame and learn to behave as decent human beings!
“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them” (Roman 16:17).
The Dancing ManDuh did a interview with me and just recently posted it.She actually asked some interesting questions so check out the interview and blog here http://manduh.jasonspadaro.com.
Yet another photo of mine was deemed to naughty for myspace.What the hell?How this is considered lewd I don’t know.I did it because it made me think of a Barbie doll.So I guess it’s a no no to put up on myspace pic’s of the portrait I did of myself painted a used maxi pad???LOL
What the hell?How this is considered lewd I don’t know.I did it because it made me think of a Barbie doll.
Whoever the hell reports my photos every time I just upload something has TOOOOOOOOOO much time on their hands!I just got my “plastic” deleted .How the hell do I get photos deleted and I have never have even taken a topless photo?Somebody explain to me how that happened?Whatever snitch added me to their myspace so they can try and tattle tell on me every damn time I upload something is a sad person.Why don’t you go out and create something or help a hungry person on animal instead of waiting for me to do something so you can tattle to the myspace hall monitors.
Not that I encourage snitching but just to give a example.As I have said in when this has happened before past post look up some of the favored folks on myspace.Any myspace endorsed band,model,porn site ect.There are ALLOT of things on those myspace’s that violate the myspace terms of service.Just try and report them,just try,try and report them till you are blue in the face and see if it gets taken down.I can more or less guarantee you it will NOT.Just read my past post and see if any of those people have had anything taken down.
People always ask me if I think the myspace hall monitors look at what is reported or if they just delete it.They HAVE to look at it or else the myspace pets would have allot of stuff deleted.They have a larger friends group then I do and are bound to upset somebody on their list somewhere but nothing ever gets taken down.
People will say I’m just jealous they get away with it but I do.You are damn right if they are splitting hairs they should split EVERYBODY’s hair or at least admit that they don’t.
How my photo is worse then something like you’d see on these myspace’s
Look at the number of comments on those photos.There are obviously a hell of allot more people viewing their erotic photos then there are looking at my fully clothed photos.So myspace can’t use the excuse of that 13 year olds could run across my offensive photos.There is more of a chance underage kids will run across something like SG or Penthouse way before they will ever stumble across mine.
And myspace says it will just delete anything anybody reports,not that I support snitching but as a example just TRY and report any of the photos on any of those sites,try till you are as blue in the face as I am in the hair and I can almost lay you money nothing will be done,even though their myspace have exposed asses and nipples.
I have nothing against female nudity or even pornography,what I do have a problem with is art/artist dealing with being censored when blatant porno isn’t.
What is good for the goose should be good for the gander.
I could make myself into a character,a legend,a facade,a bullshit artist.Which is very very easy if you are a performer,live outside of a large city and have your main storefront and your main place for people to get information about on you online.But I chose not to do that.
While I never think it’s a good idea to air every skeleton in your closet,a girls got to have a bit of mystery ya know.I chose to be pretty honest about myself,about my thoughts on things,about my hardships,my hurts and accomplishments.
I think some of it comes from being Cajun and raised in Louisiana,most Cajun people are very down to earth.We are raised that way and most of us just have that down to earth mindset.
I do it because some of it comes from my obsession with art,my expressing myself by running my big mouth about my life and views to me is just as much of a artistic expression as my dolls.I live my art as a art experiment.
I also know growing up I related to and looked up to people like Johnny Cash and Lydia Lunch.If Johnny went to jail he told you,if Lydia was raped she told you.One of the things I admire the most about artist is honesty.
I also do it because hopefully it helps other just to know that everybody has struggles,from them to the weird blue haired girl that plays with dolls.As humans we all have a need to know that we are like Job of the bible and God is just letting Satan pick on us.I myself get really frustrates at times with my life,and it makes me feel so much better when I talk to friends,especially other artist and we can rant to each other about the annoyances both big and small we have to deal with.
Just seeing somebody else with the same struggles,at times will just lift the weight off of someone’s shoulders,even more so if they see you came through it a stronger person.
I have been behind my back accused of * hell I have been accused allot of things behind my back,because people don’t want to deal with the hell of telling it to my face* anyhoo.It’s been said behind my back long long ago that I only put myself out there like I do because I’m a media whore.While I like free advertisement just as much as the next fellow,that is not why I try and be open about myself.
Modeling is basically media whoring,It’s a exploitation of myself and my face for publicity means.Talking openly about life experiences isn’t.
I don’t think that people realize that by making yourself into some lofty creature,and weaving the fantasy that you have more money,a better pedigree,less problems and generally hide yourself or worse lie about yourself makes you look like a jackass.I have had people tell me that I should not be so open,I should try and put on the air that I’m a rockstar type and that I shouldn’t make myself so accessible to people who appreciate my work or just want to talk to me.But I never could understand what they accomplishes?Great I’ll lie about myself,feel like dirt inside because I have to constantly keep up a image and I will make others feel just as rotten as me,or worse because they don’t have the perfect life I have bullshitted people into thinking I have.
I do it because it’s helpful to me,it makes me feel better to sit and talk with fellow humans about just the human experience.I also hope by doing that and allowing other people to communicate with me,instead of making myself into some elusive creature like some people do, that it helps others at the same time by just knowing someone else has been there.