February 23, 2007 at 7:32 am (Alt Models, modeling, models, ranting)

I could make myself into a character,a legend,a facade,a bullshit artist.Which is very very easy if you are a performer,live outside of a large city and have your main storefront and your main place for people to get information about on you online.But I chose not to do that.
While I never think it’s a good idea to air every skeleton in your closet,a girls got to have a bit of mystery ya know.I chose to be pretty honest about myself,about my thoughts on things,about my hardships,my hurts and accomplishments.
I think some of it comes from being Cajun and raised in Louisiana,most Cajun people are very down to earth.We are raised that way and most of us just have that down to earth mindset.
I do it because some of it comes from my obsession with art,my expressing myself by running my big mouth about my life and views to me is just as much of a artistic expression as my dolls.I live my art as a art experiment.
I also know growing up I related to and looked up to people like Johnny Cash and Lydia Lunch.If Johnny went to jail he told you,if Lydia was raped she told you.One of the things I admire the most about artist is honesty.
I also do it because hopefully it helps other just to know that everybody has struggles,from them to the weird blue haired girl that plays with dolls.As humans we all have a need to know that we are like Job of the bible and God is just letting Satan pick on us.I myself get really frustrates at times with my life,and it makes me feel so much better when I talk to friends,especially other artist and we can rant to each other about the annoyances both big and small we have to deal with.
Just seeing somebody else with the same struggles,at times will just lift the weight off of someone’s shoulders,even more so if they see you came through it a stronger person.
I have been behind my back accused of * hell I have been accused allot of things behind my back,because people don’t want to deal with the hell of telling it to my face* anyhoo.It’s been said behind my back long long ago that I only put myself out there like I do because I’m a media whore.While I like free advertisement just as much as the next fellow,that is not why I try and be open about myself.
Modeling is basically media whoring,It’s a exploitation of myself and my face for publicity means.Talking openly about life experiences isn’t.
I don’t think that people realize that by making yourself into some lofty creature,and weaving the fantasy that you have more money,a better pedigree,less problems and generally hide yourself or worse lie about yourself makes you look like a jackass.I have had people tell me that I should not be so open,I should try and put on the air that I’m a rockstar type and that I shouldn’t make myself so accessible to people who appreciate my work or just want to talk to me.But I never could understand what they accomplishes?Great I’ll lie about myself,feel like dirt inside because I have to constantly keep up a image and I will make others feel just as rotten as me,or worse because they don’t have the perfect life I have bullshitted people into thinking I have.
I do it because it’s helpful to me,it makes me feel better to sit and talk with fellow humans about just the human experience.I also hope by doing that and allowing other people to communicate with me,instead of making myself into some elusive creature like some people do, that it helps others at the same time by just knowing someone else has been there.


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